I had no idea that my own dream could suffocate me.
Some of you know that earlier in the year I invested in a 12 month, branding and marketing Mastermind to the tune of $40,000. I have never felt such a whole body yes as I did when this opportunity entered my universe.
I couldn’t necessarily afford the payments ($3,100/mo.) but as with most financial decisions I make, I told myself, “I’ll figure out a way to make it work.” Preston was with me a 100%.
For the last 6 months we have figured it out and it has absolutely been the best investment I’ve ever made in my brand.
I had a deep yearning to know the strategies the pro’s use to scale their business. I wanted to take my business more seriously. I no longer wanted to guess at what to do. I wanted to know.
Over the summer, I have struggled emotionally. I’ve felt overwhelmed. I haven’t enjoyed the process of building my business. I’ve had that dreaded Monday morning feeling and thought about quitting several times.
Here’s what I realized. Preston and I had made a financial decision that backed us into a corner. Because we couldn’t afford those payments, it was creating a pressure cooker feeling for me to perform. Instead of creating from a place of inspiration, I was creating from a place of scarcity because I felt required to not only cover this monthly nut, but also bring in additional income to contribute to our family. This skewed the intention of what I was sharing and creating.
With some help (it takes a village), we realized from a numbers perspective we could not afford the mastermind. We knew this when we said yes, but at that point it felt fun and exciting. I found myself envisioning how my business might change, what it might make, what was possible. Then, as the months of payments started adding up it didn’t feel fun. It felt agonizing.
I love this one line that someone shared with me. It’s all well and good what you could make, but what if you don’t?
That’s the difference between being able to afford something and not. That’s where the pressure for it to pay for itself, and more, becomes toxic.
When I realized we no longer wanted to struggle, I knew I could change my mind. What a gift all by itself. I went through the emotional gamut…..I didn’t do this to quit. What will people think? I want to finish? What will I miss out on? Do I value the debt more than the knowledge and skills? How did I not see I was making a decision from this place? Can I even get out of the contract? What if I can’t?
Bottom line, after feeling all of my feelings, I came to a place of knowing this was the right decision for our family. It also felt bigger than just pulling out of the mastermind. It felt as if Preston and I were drawing a line in the sand that we would no longer make financial decisions we could not afford and that would put us in a place to have “to figure it out,” in the name of living big and going for it. Even though I am a dreamer at heart, I don’t want to live out my dreams in a way that suffocate me.
I had the most beautiful call with my mentor who was gracious and loving and understanding. He reminded me so vehemently of why I said yes to working with him in the first place.
And just like that my journey in the mastermind has come to an end. The moment I hung up the phone I sobbed like a baby. A release of sadness, relief, joy…..you name it, I felt it.
A few days later, as the dust is settling, I feel so free and like an unbearable weight, I didn’t know I was carrying, has been lifted. I feel reunited with my inspiration and all kinds of opportunities have arisen in just a few short days.
I am so proud of myself for the courage to pivot. I believe this is a vital lesson from this experience.
I also learned a ton of skills about branding and marketing that are going to serve me beyond measure. This was the right decision for me, no doubt, and it has taught me some unexpected lessons, too.
The heart of a great leader is one who changes her mind when something is no longer working, whatever the reason. We don’t have to keep saying yes today because we said yes yesterday. It’s vital we change our minds because that represents flexibility and a changing market and heart.
You, too, can pivot at any moment. You’re worthy of doing so.
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With so much love and respect for our journeys on this planet,
P.S. If you’d like to pivot and join me at The Extravaganza, click here to get your slice of the desire pie.